it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
