Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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