just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
