Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize