I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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