My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
