woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's shark week go big or go home
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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