just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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