We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
