Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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