hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
