I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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