dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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