Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
