I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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