dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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