:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
