people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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