i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
