4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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