So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
