Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
