Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
