do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
