if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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