Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
