I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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