The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
