You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
