It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
