I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize