Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
