you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
