I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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