My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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