So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
