finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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