Ambien. No doubt about it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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