So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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