I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
