I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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