if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
