Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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