I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
