Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
