I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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