You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
