And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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