i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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