It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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