Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
