Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
