I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
