my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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