My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
