who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
