Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
