I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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