ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
