he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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