Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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