is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
