Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
