Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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