1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
