Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
