So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
