I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
