Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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