Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
