...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
